Luuuuucyyyy!

I sometimes feel my online exploits are not unlike Lucy and Ethel's on "I Love Lucy". I get these crazy ideas into my head and they just won't leave until I do something about them. And then the unthinkable happens, and I'm left to wonder, "Uh, oh. What now?"

About three years ago, I met this guy online. He was so great. We had great MSN chats that were two or three hours in length. He introduced me to new music. He was witty and funny in that wry, English way. We had finally planned to meet up before he left for Christmas holidays and I was excited about it.

We had traded numbers and agreed to get in touch within the next couple of days so we could meet up. I can't remember the exact order of the events, but I know that in my excitement, I called him the next day and left a message, just to tell him that it had been nice chatting with him and that I looked forward to meeting him in person. That was fine on it's own. But then I sent an e-mail maybe the next day after that to ask him how he was getting along with his cold - before he returned my phone call. When I told my guy friend this, he immediately said, "What? Why did you do that? You should have consulted with me first!" The day after was when he had said he was leaving for holidays but I never heard from him again. Ever. And no, I didn't try to contact him after the unanswered phone message and subsequent email.

Fast forward to three weeks ago. I'm on the new site and who do I see? Yes, him. He still looks good and his profile is short but sweet. I place him on my Favorites list, knowing full well he'll get a message saying that I've done so. No response.

The obsession, as it were, continues to grow. Whenever his picture pops up in the photo lineup, I click it. Not that he'll be able to tell how many times I've looked at it, but just to know that he'll know that I saw. Crazy? Yes.Last night, in a bold move, I decided, "What the hell? I'll just pretend like I don't know it's him and send him a message. He'll probably recognize me and either delete my message or just block me outright. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!" So I sent him a cheery message, basically complimenting him on his profile and asking him something music related.

Fishing-analogies up-front, he took the bait. He wrote me back. And at the end of the message he says, "I'm Richard, by the way." I KNOW! And now, the dilemma. Should I just write him back, continuing in the "I've never met him before" vein, or should I pretend to realize that we've already met? Isn't this the second time this year that I've put myself in this situation?

Do I ever learn? I thought the last time this happened and the guy turned out to be less than stellar, I would have seen it as my lesson that sometimes what you think you want isn't actually what you want. Or need, for that matter. That the fantasy man you build up in your head is just that, and reality is a much different thing.

You probably don't think it's as bad as I think it is. But I left out the best part. Richard, to my eyes at least, is the spitting image of my ex-boyfriend, and I'm quite certain that's why I'm still slightly agog over him. Richard, not my ex.

'Splaining to do, indeed.