I sometimes feel my online exploits are not unlike Lucy and Ethel's on "I Love Lucy". I get these crazy ideas into my head and they just won't leave until I do something about them. And then the unthinkable happens, and I'm left to wonder, "Uh, oh. What now?"
About three years ago, I met this guy online. He was so great. We had great MSN chats that were two or three hours in length. He introduced me to new music. He was witty and funny in that wry, English way. We had finally planned to meet up before he left for Christmas holidays and I was excited about it.
We had traded numbers and agreed to get in touch within the next couple of days so we could meet up. I can't remember the exact order of the events, but I know that in my excitement, I called him the next day and left a message, just to tell him that it had been nice chatting with him and that I looked forward to meeting him in person. That was fine on it's own. But then I sent an e-mail maybe the next day after that to ask him how he was getting along with his cold - before he returned my phone call. When I told my guy friend this, he immediately said, "What? Why did you do that? You should have consulted with me first!" The day after was when he had said he was leaving for holidays but I never heard from him again. Ever. And no, I didn't try to contact him after the unanswered phone message and subsequent email.
Fast forward to three weeks ago. I'm on the new site and who do I see? Yes, him. He still looks good and his profile is short but sweet. I place him on my Favorites list, knowing full well he'll get a message saying that I've done so. No response.
The obsession, as it were, continues to grow. Whenever his picture pops up in the photo lineup, I click it. Not that he'll be able to tell how many times I've looked at it, but just to know that he'll know that I saw. Crazy? Yes.Last night, in a bold move, I decided, "What the hell? I'll just pretend like I don't know it's him and send him a message. He'll probably recognize me and either delete my message or just block me outright. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!" So I sent him a cheery message, basically complimenting him on his profile and asking him something music related.
Fishing-analogies up-front, he took the bait. He wrote me back. And at the end of the message he says, "I'm Richard, by the way." I KNOW! And now, the dilemma. Should I just write him back, continuing in the "I've never met him before" vein, or should I pretend to realize that we've already met? Isn't this the second time this year that I've put myself in this situation?
Do I ever learn? I thought the last time this happened and the guy turned out to be less than stellar, I would have seen it as my lesson that sometimes what you think you want isn't actually what you want. Or need, for that matter. That the fantasy man you build up in your head is just that, and reality is a much different thing.
You probably don't think it's as bad as I think it is. But I left out the best part. Richard, to my eyes at least, is the spitting image of my ex-boyfriend, and I'm quite certain that's why I'm still slightly agog over him. Richard, not my ex.
'Splaining to do, indeed.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Roger Retail
Age: 31
Height: 6'5"
Occupation: Manager at a Rogers Video
Roger is one guy that I actually spoke to more than once on the phone. In fact, I think we talked about three times. The last time, for a couple of hours (although, he kept having to phone me back because he had potential roommates coming to see his apartment). He seemed like a nice enough guy, even though a good chunk of our last conversation included several minutes of discussion on "Family Guy".
We arranged to meet for dinner (I know, not something I do on a first meeting, but he doesn't drink coffee). He had mentioned on the phone that he was feeling really chatty, as sometimes he didn't really have much to say at all. I found that hard to believe, because he did talk. A lot.
I got to the restaurant first and, since there were plenty of seating options, I sat in the lobby to wait for him. I didn't have to wait more than a couple of minutes; when I looked out the window onto the street, I could see him crossing. He's hard to miss. I stood up to say hello and he gave me an awkward, one-armed hug to greet me. It was interesting.
We sat down and immediately commented on the awkwardness of the seating arrangement. It was one of those crescent-shaped booths where it would be weird to sit beside each other but it would be strange sitting on the outer-seats of the booth and leave the huge gap between us. We opted for sitting in the curve, so we were kind of sitting next to each other, but we could see as if we were across.
Conversation at first was me asking lots of questions and him answering. In fact, I think that's the way I generally deal with people who I don't think will be great conversationalists. He has the same philosophy as me about intial dates, though - interviews aren't fun. It's more interesting to find out about each other by just talking. I know he loves Pearl Jam and a band call the Ours. He doesn't have a car and he lives in Kits. He's originally from Penticton and moved here about 8 year ago. He has two sisters. We both had dessert. He loves weird fun facts and has several of them to share.
We sat and ate and talked for two hours and then I had to suggest we get up and head out. He didn't want to take the bull by the horns and end the date. Or maybe he just didn't know how. He walked me part way to the train station and then he once again gave me an awkward half-hug and then after two seconds, put the other arm around me, and then said he'd give me a call.
I see potential in the conversation getting better. I just don't know if he'll actually call.
Height: 6'5"
Occupation: Manager at a Rogers Video
Roger is one guy that I actually spoke to more than once on the phone. In fact, I think we talked about three times. The last time, for a couple of hours (although, he kept having to phone me back because he had potential roommates coming to see his apartment). He seemed like a nice enough guy, even though a good chunk of our last conversation included several minutes of discussion on "Family Guy".
We arranged to meet for dinner (I know, not something I do on a first meeting, but he doesn't drink coffee). He had mentioned on the phone that he was feeling really chatty, as sometimes he didn't really have much to say at all. I found that hard to believe, because he did talk. A lot.
I got to the restaurant first and, since there were plenty of seating options, I sat in the lobby to wait for him. I didn't have to wait more than a couple of minutes; when I looked out the window onto the street, I could see him crossing. He's hard to miss. I stood up to say hello and he gave me an awkward, one-armed hug to greet me. It was interesting.
We sat down and immediately commented on the awkwardness of the seating arrangement. It was one of those crescent-shaped booths where it would be weird to sit beside each other but it would be strange sitting on the outer-seats of the booth and leave the huge gap between us. We opted for sitting in the curve, so we were kind of sitting next to each other, but we could see as if we were across.
Conversation at first was me asking lots of questions and him answering. In fact, I think that's the way I generally deal with people who I don't think will be great conversationalists. He has the same philosophy as me about intial dates, though - interviews aren't fun. It's more interesting to find out about each other by just talking. I know he loves Pearl Jam and a band call the Ours. He doesn't have a car and he lives in Kits. He's originally from Penticton and moved here about 8 year ago. He has two sisters. We both had dessert. He loves weird fun facts and has several of them to share.
We sat and ate and talked for two hours and then I had to suggest we get up and head out. He didn't want to take the bull by the horns and end the date. Or maybe he just didn't know how. He walked me part way to the train station and then he once again gave me an awkward half-hug and then after two seconds, put the other arm around me, and then said he'd give me a call.
I see potential in the conversation getting better. I just don't know if he'll actually call.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
F in Chemistry
Well, Eddie just told me I flunked Chemistry.
I called him, the requisite two days after our last date, just to say hello and wish him a nice week back at school. I asked him whether he wanted to get together in the next week or so and he said, "No, I don't think so. You're a really great person but I just don't feel the chemistry."
I was surprised, but not disappointed. I suppose I felt the same way, but was wishing that hadn't. Perhaps I tend to grasp onto guys that have some potential, and hope that things just develop. I'm actually glad he was adult enough to take my call and then tell me. I certainly would've taken the "never return another call" route. My wise friend, Trina, observed that perhaps I met Eddie to show me that I was ready to take the next step in dating - the post-second date step.
Or maybe it means I'm not ready at all.
I called him, the requisite two days after our last date, just to say hello and wish him a nice week back at school. I asked him whether he wanted to get together in the next week or so and he said, "No, I don't think so. You're a really great person but I just don't feel the chemistry."
I was surprised, but not disappointed. I suppose I felt the same way, but was wishing that hadn't. Perhaps I tend to grasp onto guys that have some potential, and hope that things just develop. I'm actually glad he was adult enough to take my call and then tell me. I certainly would've taken the "never return another call" route. My wise friend, Trina, observed that perhaps I met Eddie to show me that I was ready to take the next step in dating - the post-second date step.
Or maybe it means I'm not ready at all.
Ted Teacher
Age: 36?
Height: 5'8"
Occupation: Elementary school teacher
Ted was another set-up. A guy at work, who also serves as my guy counsellor, decided I needed to meet Ted after realizing that he was single and so was I. He gave him my phone number and Ted phoned a couple of days later. Then he showed me a picture of him - not my type at all, but I said I would meet him because this is the year of meeting people, right? I kept an open mind.
Talking to him on the phone was easy. Aside from the slight surfer-inflection in his voice, he was nice to talk to. Conversation was fairly easy and we have a few things in common. We arranged to meet today for sushi at a local spot.
Coming back from my date with Danny Driver, I mused about the days when men brought flowers to girl on a first date. How times have changed - first dates are more like interviews than actual dates, so it's hard to just bring flowers to a girl. Or to a guy for that matter.
I was right on time. When I walked into the restaurant, he was not sitting by the koi pond like I had instructed, but he was close by. He stood and I waved and walked towards him. As he moved toward me, he handed over a small bouquet of tulips. How thoughtful!
We sat and chatted. We ordered and chatted. And then I took a good look at him and realized - he reminds me a lot of my cousin Wade - same sort of round face and small eyes, not as tall but certainly had a bit of a pot-belly like Wade. Shit. I was out with my cousin. This is why I don't date fellow Asians.
It was hard to look at him in the eye after that. Again, nice enough guy but there were no fireworks for me. Not even a small spark.
We walked to our cars and he asked if he could call me again. I hate it when they do that. But there's nothing wrong with being friends, right? But how do you tell them you just want to go out as friends?
I'm tired.
Height: 5'8"
Occupation: Elementary school teacher
Ted was another set-up. A guy at work, who also serves as my guy counsellor, decided I needed to meet Ted after realizing that he was single and so was I. He gave him my phone number and Ted phoned a couple of days later. Then he showed me a picture of him - not my type at all, but I said I would meet him because this is the year of meeting people, right? I kept an open mind.
Talking to him on the phone was easy. Aside from the slight surfer-inflection in his voice, he was nice to talk to. Conversation was fairly easy and we have a few things in common. We arranged to meet today for sushi at a local spot.
Coming back from my date with Danny Driver, I mused about the days when men brought flowers to girl on a first date. How times have changed - first dates are more like interviews than actual dates, so it's hard to just bring flowers to a girl. Or to a guy for that matter.
I was right on time. When I walked into the restaurant, he was not sitting by the koi pond like I had instructed, but he was close by. He stood and I waved and walked towards him. As he moved toward me, he handed over a small bouquet of tulips. How thoughtful!
We sat and chatted. We ordered and chatted. And then I took a good look at him and realized - he reminds me a lot of my cousin Wade - same sort of round face and small eyes, not as tall but certainly had a bit of a pot-belly like Wade. Shit. I was out with my cousin. This is why I don't date fellow Asians.
It was hard to look at him in the eye after that. Again, nice enough guy but there were no fireworks for me. Not even a small spark.
We walked to our cars and he asked if he could call me again. I hate it when they do that. But there's nothing wrong with being friends, right? But how do you tell them you just want to go out as friends?
I'm tired.
Danny Driver
Age: 35?
Height:5'8"
Occupation: bus driver
Danny was a set up. A woman I work with has wanted me to meet him for almost two years now. She used to give me a hard time because I said I didn't want to meet him because he was the same height as me. This year, I finally decided to give in because I knew she wouldn't stop until I did.
It's been about two months since she first gave each of us the other's contact information. He didn't contact me right off the bat and neither did I. When he finally did, it was an e-mail saying that he was going to Montreal for two weeks but would call me when he got back. Three weeks later, he did, although we didn't actually talk on the phone. We traded a few more emails, finally worked out our schedules and met for a coffee this afternoon.
I was early so I walked into the cafe. There was this really cute blond sitting at a table by himself, reading the paper. When I walked in, he looked at me and I looked at him and smiled. Damn it if I wasn't already there to meet someone! Had I not been, I would've grabbed a coffee and, having no where else to sit, would've asked him if he'd be willing to share his table. But alas....
I grabbed my tea and took it outside and waited for Danny. As I stood outside in the sun and cold, I glanced back towards the blond, who was still looking at me. He went back to reading his paper and Danny approached. The date was on.
Since there was really no where to sit, he grabbed his coffee to go and we took a stroll down the Drive. We ended up sitting in the park at the other end and talked for about an hour. He had to go to work and I had another date to get to (not that I told him that), so we started back to where we started.
He asked me if I wanted to get together again. I hate it when they do that because I feel too guilty to say, "Not unless you just want to be friends." He's a really nice guy though, so I'd go out with him again. But no sparks on my part, again. We parted ways.
I walked passed the cafe again, certain that the blond would be gone. He was still there, reading his paper. He was sharing his table with a woman who was reading a book. I was pretty sure they weren't together, but couldn't find a good enough excuse to go back in. He looked up as I went by and I smiled a little smile again. I went into the used bookshop that I had spied on my way to the cafe, half-hoping that the blond would come in and say hello. He didn't.
A girl can daydream, can't she?
Height:5'8"
Occupation: bus driver
Danny was a set up. A woman I work with has wanted me to meet him for almost two years now. She used to give me a hard time because I said I didn't want to meet him because he was the same height as me. This year, I finally decided to give in because I knew she wouldn't stop until I did.
It's been about two months since she first gave each of us the other's contact information. He didn't contact me right off the bat and neither did I. When he finally did, it was an e-mail saying that he was going to Montreal for two weeks but would call me when he got back. Three weeks later, he did, although we didn't actually talk on the phone. We traded a few more emails, finally worked out our schedules and met for a coffee this afternoon.
I was early so I walked into the cafe. There was this really cute blond sitting at a table by himself, reading the paper. When I walked in, he looked at me and I looked at him and smiled. Damn it if I wasn't already there to meet someone! Had I not been, I would've grabbed a coffee and, having no where else to sit, would've asked him if he'd be willing to share his table. But alas....
I grabbed my tea and took it outside and waited for Danny. As I stood outside in the sun and cold, I glanced back towards the blond, who was still looking at me. He went back to reading his paper and Danny approached. The date was on.
Since there was really no where to sit, he grabbed his coffee to go and we took a stroll down the Drive. We ended up sitting in the park at the other end and talked for about an hour. He had to go to work and I had another date to get to (not that I told him that), so we started back to where we started.
He asked me if I wanted to get together again. I hate it when they do that because I feel too guilty to say, "Not unless you just want to be friends." He's a really nice guy though, so I'd go out with him again. But no sparks on my part, again. We parted ways.
I walked passed the cafe again, certain that the blond would be gone. He was still there, reading his paper. He was sharing his table with a woman who was reading a book. I was pretty sure they weren't together, but couldn't find a good enough excuse to go back in. He looked up as I went by and I smiled a little smile again. I went into the used bookshop that I had spied on my way to the cafe, half-hoping that the blond would come in and say hello. He didn't.
A girl can daydream, can't she?
Bobby Biker
Age: 38
Height: 6'2"
Occupation: Special effects artist
Bobby was never going to be my type. His profile contained a picture of this Harley-esque motorcycle and he looks like a big burly biker type. But he had kind eyes and a nice smile. A good start in my books.
After three weeks of exchanging e-mails (mostly of the trying to organize a get-together-sort), we met for brunch yesterday at a local eatery near me. I arrived early, wanting to scope out a spot in case the brunch rush was especially busy and I also wanted time to read my book and have a coffee.
He arrived on time and he was exactly as I pictured: black t-shirt, black jeans, skull-cap touque and a goatee. He's 6'2" and probably about 275. An imposing figure, to say the least.
We grabbed a table, ordered breakfast and then sat down to wait for it to be served. It was a nice chat, but there was no sparks from my end. He was nice enough, but nothing really stood out for me. He talked a lot about work and what he does. I don't recall him asking many questions of me, but perhaps that's because I was peppering him with questions to keep him talking. He gave me a bit of a hard time about having to wait to meet me (10 days). And then that was it.
He did the usual, "You have my number, give me a call if you want to do this again." I don't. He was a nice guy but not for me. One of the things I had mentioned was the new girl at work and how, since she's started working with me, I've started to step up the way I dress at work. I was mostly joking but he gave me a bit of a hard time about it and then kept going on about how I was trying to change myself in order to keep up with the PYT. It bugged me. I was only joking and yet he didn't take it that way.
I can tell I'm getting tired of meeting people. I just want to find someone. But I won't settle.
Height: 6'2"
Occupation: Special effects artist
Bobby was never going to be my type. His profile contained a picture of this Harley-esque motorcycle and he looks like a big burly biker type. But he had kind eyes and a nice smile. A good start in my books.
After three weeks of exchanging e-mails (mostly of the trying to organize a get-together-sort), we met for brunch yesterday at a local eatery near me. I arrived early, wanting to scope out a spot in case the brunch rush was especially busy and I also wanted time to read my book and have a coffee.
He arrived on time and he was exactly as I pictured: black t-shirt, black jeans, skull-cap touque and a goatee. He's 6'2" and probably about 275. An imposing figure, to say the least.
We grabbed a table, ordered breakfast and then sat down to wait for it to be served. It was a nice chat, but there was no sparks from my end. He was nice enough, but nothing really stood out for me. He talked a lot about work and what he does. I don't recall him asking many questions of me, but perhaps that's because I was peppering him with questions to keep him talking. He gave me a bit of a hard time about having to wait to meet me (10 days). And then that was it.
He did the usual, "You have my number, give me a call if you want to do this again." I don't. He was a nice guy but not for me. One of the things I had mentioned was the new girl at work and how, since she's started working with me, I've started to step up the way I dress at work. I was mostly joking but he gave me a bit of a hard time about it and then kept going on about how I was trying to change myself in order to keep up with the PYT. It bugged me. I was only joking and yet he didn't take it that way.
I can tell I'm getting tired of meeting people. I just want to find someone. But I won't settle.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Date 2
I had sent Eddie Educator the Follow-Up email last Saturday, basically thanking him for a nice evening and expressing my hope that we do it again soon. I was pleased when he sent me a message back on Sunday, agreeing with my assessment. He then said, "I can call you tonight, if you like." I wasn't sure what to make of that, so I just sent him a note that said, "Call me whenever you like."
By Wednesday, I was wondering whether he actually would. So I did what I never do and I phoned him. He seemed pleased enough to hear from me and he asked me out for dinner tonight. Once again breaking my no last minute dates rule, I said yes.
We met at a sushi restaurant about half-way between where he lives and where I live. As I was driving out, not a few blocks from my place, I realized I forgot my cell phone on the counter. I was going to turn back to get it, but was already late and decided against it. Why would I need it?
Turns out he was 15 minutes late and phoned me to tell me so. When he got to the restaurant, he said to me, "You got my message?" and I said, "No, I forgot my cell phone on the counter!"
He sat down and reached across the table and touched my hand and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" I think he meant it.It was a nice get together. He ate off my plate, which I thought was kind of cute. His phone rang during dinner and he looked at it and showed me it was his mom calling. He had two other calls, which he did not answer (bonus points) but also didn't disclose who it was the second and third time around. Not that it mattered.
Being in the suburbs, we didn't have anywhere else to go so he suggested we take a walk to the mall, which was a stroll away from the restaurant. We ambled around, stopping in stores so he could look at shoes (my kind of guy). We had a rather lengthy conversation with the kid that worked at the Koodoo kiosk (although not entirely unpleasant). Eddie discovered that I was not younger than him, as he initially thought. I don't know if that will make a difference to him.
He was parked near me so he walked me to my car. We had a brief chat about his crooked license plate and my banged up bumper and then he thanked me for hanging out, gave me a hug and that was it.
I like him. But I think we both might be too laid back to really create any chemistry. I'm not 100% sure that he is really into me and perhaps he feels the same way about me. I still hope he calls, but I'm not sure he will. Both dates were short - no more than 90 minutes each. That's lengthy for a first date but isn't it a bit on the short side for a second? I don't know. I need to stop analyzing and get ready for the three other dates I have coming up this weekend.
I think I'm almost done. But I said I'd go to six months before I quit the scene entirely. Actually, the blog is called "The Year I Paid for Love". We'll see how the next month goes...
By Wednesday, I was wondering whether he actually would. So I did what I never do and I phoned him. He seemed pleased enough to hear from me and he asked me out for dinner tonight. Once again breaking my no last minute dates rule, I said yes.
We met at a sushi restaurant about half-way between where he lives and where I live. As I was driving out, not a few blocks from my place, I realized I forgot my cell phone on the counter. I was going to turn back to get it, but was already late and decided against it. Why would I need it?
Turns out he was 15 minutes late and phoned me to tell me so. When he got to the restaurant, he said to me, "You got my message?" and I said, "No, I forgot my cell phone on the counter!"
He sat down and reached across the table and touched my hand and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" I think he meant it.It was a nice get together. He ate off my plate, which I thought was kind of cute. His phone rang during dinner and he looked at it and showed me it was his mom calling. He had two other calls, which he did not answer (bonus points) but also didn't disclose who it was the second and third time around. Not that it mattered.
Being in the suburbs, we didn't have anywhere else to go so he suggested we take a walk to the mall, which was a stroll away from the restaurant. We ambled around, stopping in stores so he could look at shoes (my kind of guy). We had a rather lengthy conversation with the kid that worked at the Koodoo kiosk (although not entirely unpleasant). Eddie discovered that I was not younger than him, as he initially thought. I don't know if that will make a difference to him.
He was parked near me so he walked me to my car. We had a brief chat about his crooked license plate and my banged up bumper and then he thanked me for hanging out, gave me a hug and that was it.
I like him. But I think we both might be too laid back to really create any chemistry. I'm not 100% sure that he is really into me and perhaps he feels the same way about me. I still hope he calls, but I'm not sure he will. Both dates were short - no more than 90 minutes each. That's lengthy for a first date but isn't it a bit on the short side for a second? I don't know. I need to stop analyzing and get ready for the three other dates I have coming up this weekend.
I think I'm almost done. But I said I'd go to six months before I quit the scene entirely. Actually, the blog is called "The Year I Paid for Love". We'll see how the next month goes...
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