Well, Eddie just told me I flunked Chemistry.
I called him, the requisite two days after our last date, just to say hello and wish him a nice week back at school. I asked him whether he wanted to get together in the next week or so and he said, "No, I don't think so. You're a really great person but I just don't feel the chemistry."
I was surprised, but not disappointed. I suppose I felt the same way, but was wishing that hadn't. Perhaps I tend to grasp onto guys that have some potential, and hope that things just develop. I'm actually glad he was adult enough to take my call and then tell me. I certainly would've taken the "never return another call" route. My wise friend, Trina, observed that perhaps I met Eddie to show me that I was ready to take the next step in dating - the post-second date step.
Or maybe it means I'm not ready at all.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Ted Teacher
Age: 36?
Height: 5'8"
Occupation: Elementary school teacher
Ted was another set-up. A guy at work, who also serves as my guy counsellor, decided I needed to meet Ted after realizing that he was single and so was I. He gave him my phone number and Ted phoned a couple of days later. Then he showed me a picture of him - not my type at all, but I said I would meet him because this is the year of meeting people, right? I kept an open mind.
Talking to him on the phone was easy. Aside from the slight surfer-inflection in his voice, he was nice to talk to. Conversation was fairly easy and we have a few things in common. We arranged to meet today for sushi at a local spot.
Coming back from my date with Danny Driver, I mused about the days when men brought flowers to girl on a first date. How times have changed - first dates are more like interviews than actual dates, so it's hard to just bring flowers to a girl. Or to a guy for that matter.
I was right on time. When I walked into the restaurant, he was not sitting by the koi pond like I had instructed, but he was close by. He stood and I waved and walked towards him. As he moved toward me, he handed over a small bouquet of tulips. How thoughtful!
We sat and chatted. We ordered and chatted. And then I took a good look at him and realized - he reminds me a lot of my cousin Wade - same sort of round face and small eyes, not as tall but certainly had a bit of a pot-belly like Wade. Shit. I was out with my cousin. This is why I don't date fellow Asians.
It was hard to look at him in the eye after that. Again, nice enough guy but there were no fireworks for me. Not even a small spark.
We walked to our cars and he asked if he could call me again. I hate it when they do that. But there's nothing wrong with being friends, right? But how do you tell them you just want to go out as friends?
I'm tired.
Height: 5'8"
Occupation: Elementary school teacher
Ted was another set-up. A guy at work, who also serves as my guy counsellor, decided I needed to meet Ted after realizing that he was single and so was I. He gave him my phone number and Ted phoned a couple of days later. Then he showed me a picture of him - not my type at all, but I said I would meet him because this is the year of meeting people, right? I kept an open mind.
Talking to him on the phone was easy. Aside from the slight surfer-inflection in his voice, he was nice to talk to. Conversation was fairly easy and we have a few things in common. We arranged to meet today for sushi at a local spot.
Coming back from my date with Danny Driver, I mused about the days when men brought flowers to girl on a first date. How times have changed - first dates are more like interviews than actual dates, so it's hard to just bring flowers to a girl. Or to a guy for that matter.
I was right on time. When I walked into the restaurant, he was not sitting by the koi pond like I had instructed, but he was close by. He stood and I waved and walked towards him. As he moved toward me, he handed over a small bouquet of tulips. How thoughtful!
We sat and chatted. We ordered and chatted. And then I took a good look at him and realized - he reminds me a lot of my cousin Wade - same sort of round face and small eyes, not as tall but certainly had a bit of a pot-belly like Wade. Shit. I was out with my cousin. This is why I don't date fellow Asians.
It was hard to look at him in the eye after that. Again, nice enough guy but there were no fireworks for me. Not even a small spark.
We walked to our cars and he asked if he could call me again. I hate it when they do that. But there's nothing wrong with being friends, right? But how do you tell them you just want to go out as friends?
I'm tired.
Danny Driver
Age: 35?
Height:5'8"
Occupation: bus driver
Danny was a set up. A woman I work with has wanted me to meet him for almost two years now. She used to give me a hard time because I said I didn't want to meet him because he was the same height as me. This year, I finally decided to give in because I knew she wouldn't stop until I did.
It's been about two months since she first gave each of us the other's contact information. He didn't contact me right off the bat and neither did I. When he finally did, it was an e-mail saying that he was going to Montreal for two weeks but would call me when he got back. Three weeks later, he did, although we didn't actually talk on the phone. We traded a few more emails, finally worked out our schedules and met for a coffee this afternoon.
I was early so I walked into the cafe. There was this really cute blond sitting at a table by himself, reading the paper. When I walked in, he looked at me and I looked at him and smiled. Damn it if I wasn't already there to meet someone! Had I not been, I would've grabbed a coffee and, having no where else to sit, would've asked him if he'd be willing to share his table. But alas....
I grabbed my tea and took it outside and waited for Danny. As I stood outside in the sun and cold, I glanced back towards the blond, who was still looking at me. He went back to reading his paper and Danny approached. The date was on.
Since there was really no where to sit, he grabbed his coffee to go and we took a stroll down the Drive. We ended up sitting in the park at the other end and talked for about an hour. He had to go to work and I had another date to get to (not that I told him that), so we started back to where we started.
He asked me if I wanted to get together again. I hate it when they do that because I feel too guilty to say, "Not unless you just want to be friends." He's a really nice guy though, so I'd go out with him again. But no sparks on my part, again. We parted ways.
I walked passed the cafe again, certain that the blond would be gone. He was still there, reading his paper. He was sharing his table with a woman who was reading a book. I was pretty sure they weren't together, but couldn't find a good enough excuse to go back in. He looked up as I went by and I smiled a little smile again. I went into the used bookshop that I had spied on my way to the cafe, half-hoping that the blond would come in and say hello. He didn't.
A girl can daydream, can't she?
Height:5'8"
Occupation: bus driver
Danny was a set up. A woman I work with has wanted me to meet him for almost two years now. She used to give me a hard time because I said I didn't want to meet him because he was the same height as me. This year, I finally decided to give in because I knew she wouldn't stop until I did.
It's been about two months since she first gave each of us the other's contact information. He didn't contact me right off the bat and neither did I. When he finally did, it was an e-mail saying that he was going to Montreal for two weeks but would call me when he got back. Three weeks later, he did, although we didn't actually talk on the phone. We traded a few more emails, finally worked out our schedules and met for a coffee this afternoon.
I was early so I walked into the cafe. There was this really cute blond sitting at a table by himself, reading the paper. When I walked in, he looked at me and I looked at him and smiled. Damn it if I wasn't already there to meet someone! Had I not been, I would've grabbed a coffee and, having no where else to sit, would've asked him if he'd be willing to share his table. But alas....
I grabbed my tea and took it outside and waited for Danny. As I stood outside in the sun and cold, I glanced back towards the blond, who was still looking at me. He went back to reading his paper and Danny approached. The date was on.
Since there was really no where to sit, he grabbed his coffee to go and we took a stroll down the Drive. We ended up sitting in the park at the other end and talked for about an hour. He had to go to work and I had another date to get to (not that I told him that), so we started back to where we started.
He asked me if I wanted to get together again. I hate it when they do that because I feel too guilty to say, "Not unless you just want to be friends." He's a really nice guy though, so I'd go out with him again. But no sparks on my part, again. We parted ways.
I walked passed the cafe again, certain that the blond would be gone. He was still there, reading his paper. He was sharing his table with a woman who was reading a book. I was pretty sure they weren't together, but couldn't find a good enough excuse to go back in. He looked up as I went by and I smiled a little smile again. I went into the used bookshop that I had spied on my way to the cafe, half-hoping that the blond would come in and say hello. He didn't.
A girl can daydream, can't she?
Bobby Biker
Age: 38
Height: 6'2"
Occupation: Special effects artist
Bobby was never going to be my type. His profile contained a picture of this Harley-esque motorcycle and he looks like a big burly biker type. But he had kind eyes and a nice smile. A good start in my books.
After three weeks of exchanging e-mails (mostly of the trying to organize a get-together-sort), we met for brunch yesterday at a local eatery near me. I arrived early, wanting to scope out a spot in case the brunch rush was especially busy and I also wanted time to read my book and have a coffee.
He arrived on time and he was exactly as I pictured: black t-shirt, black jeans, skull-cap touque and a goatee. He's 6'2" and probably about 275. An imposing figure, to say the least.
We grabbed a table, ordered breakfast and then sat down to wait for it to be served. It was a nice chat, but there was no sparks from my end. He was nice enough, but nothing really stood out for me. He talked a lot about work and what he does. I don't recall him asking many questions of me, but perhaps that's because I was peppering him with questions to keep him talking. He gave me a bit of a hard time about having to wait to meet me (10 days). And then that was it.
He did the usual, "You have my number, give me a call if you want to do this again." I don't. He was a nice guy but not for me. One of the things I had mentioned was the new girl at work and how, since she's started working with me, I've started to step up the way I dress at work. I was mostly joking but he gave me a bit of a hard time about it and then kept going on about how I was trying to change myself in order to keep up with the PYT. It bugged me. I was only joking and yet he didn't take it that way.
I can tell I'm getting tired of meeting people. I just want to find someone. But I won't settle.
Height: 6'2"
Occupation: Special effects artist
Bobby was never going to be my type. His profile contained a picture of this Harley-esque motorcycle and he looks like a big burly biker type. But he had kind eyes and a nice smile. A good start in my books.
After three weeks of exchanging e-mails (mostly of the trying to organize a get-together-sort), we met for brunch yesterday at a local eatery near me. I arrived early, wanting to scope out a spot in case the brunch rush was especially busy and I also wanted time to read my book and have a coffee.
He arrived on time and he was exactly as I pictured: black t-shirt, black jeans, skull-cap touque and a goatee. He's 6'2" and probably about 275. An imposing figure, to say the least.
We grabbed a table, ordered breakfast and then sat down to wait for it to be served. It was a nice chat, but there was no sparks from my end. He was nice enough, but nothing really stood out for me. He talked a lot about work and what he does. I don't recall him asking many questions of me, but perhaps that's because I was peppering him with questions to keep him talking. He gave me a bit of a hard time about having to wait to meet me (10 days). And then that was it.
He did the usual, "You have my number, give me a call if you want to do this again." I don't. He was a nice guy but not for me. One of the things I had mentioned was the new girl at work and how, since she's started working with me, I've started to step up the way I dress at work. I was mostly joking but he gave me a bit of a hard time about it and then kept going on about how I was trying to change myself in order to keep up with the PYT. It bugged me. I was only joking and yet he didn't take it that way.
I can tell I'm getting tired of meeting people. I just want to find someone. But I won't settle.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Date 2
I had sent Eddie Educator the Follow-Up email last Saturday, basically thanking him for a nice evening and expressing my hope that we do it again soon. I was pleased when he sent me a message back on Sunday, agreeing with my assessment. He then said, "I can call you tonight, if you like." I wasn't sure what to make of that, so I just sent him a note that said, "Call me whenever you like."
By Wednesday, I was wondering whether he actually would. So I did what I never do and I phoned him. He seemed pleased enough to hear from me and he asked me out for dinner tonight. Once again breaking my no last minute dates rule, I said yes.
We met at a sushi restaurant about half-way between where he lives and where I live. As I was driving out, not a few blocks from my place, I realized I forgot my cell phone on the counter. I was going to turn back to get it, but was already late and decided against it. Why would I need it?
Turns out he was 15 minutes late and phoned me to tell me so. When he got to the restaurant, he said to me, "You got my message?" and I said, "No, I forgot my cell phone on the counter!"
He sat down and reached across the table and touched my hand and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" I think he meant it.It was a nice get together. He ate off my plate, which I thought was kind of cute. His phone rang during dinner and he looked at it and showed me it was his mom calling. He had two other calls, which he did not answer (bonus points) but also didn't disclose who it was the second and third time around. Not that it mattered.
Being in the suburbs, we didn't have anywhere else to go so he suggested we take a walk to the mall, which was a stroll away from the restaurant. We ambled around, stopping in stores so he could look at shoes (my kind of guy). We had a rather lengthy conversation with the kid that worked at the Koodoo kiosk (although not entirely unpleasant). Eddie discovered that I was not younger than him, as he initially thought. I don't know if that will make a difference to him.
He was parked near me so he walked me to my car. We had a brief chat about his crooked license plate and my banged up bumper and then he thanked me for hanging out, gave me a hug and that was it.
I like him. But I think we both might be too laid back to really create any chemistry. I'm not 100% sure that he is really into me and perhaps he feels the same way about me. I still hope he calls, but I'm not sure he will. Both dates were short - no more than 90 minutes each. That's lengthy for a first date but isn't it a bit on the short side for a second? I don't know. I need to stop analyzing and get ready for the three other dates I have coming up this weekend.
I think I'm almost done. But I said I'd go to six months before I quit the scene entirely. Actually, the blog is called "The Year I Paid for Love". We'll see how the next month goes...
By Wednesday, I was wondering whether he actually would. So I did what I never do and I phoned him. He seemed pleased enough to hear from me and he asked me out for dinner tonight. Once again breaking my no last minute dates rule, I said yes.
We met at a sushi restaurant about half-way between where he lives and where I live. As I was driving out, not a few blocks from my place, I realized I forgot my cell phone on the counter. I was going to turn back to get it, but was already late and decided against it. Why would I need it?
Turns out he was 15 minutes late and phoned me to tell me so. When he got to the restaurant, he said to me, "You got my message?" and I said, "No, I forgot my cell phone on the counter!"
He sat down and reached across the table and touched my hand and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" I think he meant it.It was a nice get together. He ate off my plate, which I thought was kind of cute. His phone rang during dinner and he looked at it and showed me it was his mom calling. He had two other calls, which he did not answer (bonus points) but also didn't disclose who it was the second and third time around. Not that it mattered.
Being in the suburbs, we didn't have anywhere else to go so he suggested we take a walk to the mall, which was a stroll away from the restaurant. We ambled around, stopping in stores so he could look at shoes (my kind of guy). We had a rather lengthy conversation with the kid that worked at the Koodoo kiosk (although not entirely unpleasant). Eddie discovered that I was not younger than him, as he initially thought. I don't know if that will make a difference to him.
He was parked near me so he walked me to my car. We had a brief chat about his crooked license plate and my banged up bumper and then he thanked me for hanging out, gave me a hug and that was it.
I like him. But I think we both might be too laid back to really create any chemistry. I'm not 100% sure that he is really into me and perhaps he feels the same way about me. I still hope he calls, but I'm not sure he will. Both dates were short - no more than 90 minutes each. That's lengthy for a first date but isn't it a bit on the short side for a second? I don't know. I need to stop analyzing and get ready for the three other dates I have coming up this weekend.
I think I'm almost done. But I said I'd go to six months before I quit the scene entirely. Actually, the blog is called "The Year I Paid for Love". We'll see how the next month goes...
Tim T.A.
Age: 28
Height: 5'8"
Occupation: University Teaching Assistant
On Wednesday, I met up with a fish that was probably the biggest "stretch" I've had so far. His messages to me were interesting, to say the least. He came across a bit cocky and confident. I'm not sure why I agreed to meet him, but I thought at the very least, I'd have some intelligent conversation.
We met for a bite after work at an eatery on my way home. As I crossed the street, I saw him leaning on a post outside the restaurant. He was listening to his iPod. He looked up as I stepped onto the sidewalk and I smiled at him.
"Tim?" He walked over to me. Now, I don't want to seem cocky, but he had this dreamy sort of look, like the stereotypical nerd on a 30-minute sitcom who gets set up with a pretty girl and can't believe his luck. That kind of look. The rest of the night was equally as interesting.
It was quite obvious that he was socially awkward. He basically just stared and me and answered the questions I posed to him when I couldn't take the silence anymore. He answered questions well enough. In fact, when I asked him how he was faring on the dating site, he said, "Actually, you're the only one that's answered my emails." Mmm, hmm.
I won't bore you with further details as there really aren't any highlights. He was a very nice guy, but not what I was looking for at all. And even if he was, he's just been accepted to do his PhD at the University of Hawaii in Honolulu. Even he admitted he shouldn't be looking for anything serious at this point since he might be out of the country for the next four years.
No one can say I won't consider men outside of what I deem "right for me", that's for sure.
Height: 5'8"
Occupation: University Teaching Assistant
On Wednesday, I met up with a fish that was probably the biggest "stretch" I've had so far. His messages to me were interesting, to say the least. He came across a bit cocky and confident. I'm not sure why I agreed to meet him, but I thought at the very least, I'd have some intelligent conversation.
We met for a bite after work at an eatery on my way home. As I crossed the street, I saw him leaning on a post outside the restaurant. He was listening to his iPod. He looked up as I stepped onto the sidewalk and I smiled at him.
"Tim?" He walked over to me. Now, I don't want to seem cocky, but he had this dreamy sort of look, like the stereotypical nerd on a 30-minute sitcom who gets set up with a pretty girl and can't believe his luck. That kind of look. The rest of the night was equally as interesting.
It was quite obvious that he was socially awkward. He basically just stared and me and answered the questions I posed to him when I couldn't take the silence anymore. He answered questions well enough. In fact, when I asked him how he was faring on the dating site, he said, "Actually, you're the only one that's answered my emails." Mmm, hmm.
I won't bore you with further details as there really aren't any highlights. He was a very nice guy, but not what I was looking for at all. And even if he was, he's just been accepted to do his PhD at the University of Hawaii in Honolulu. Even he admitted he shouldn't be looking for anything serious at this point since he might be out of the country for the next four years.
No one can say I won't consider men outside of what I deem "right for me", that's for sure.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Another one bites the dust
Ben and I have been trying to set up a second date, the skating date, for a couple of weeks now. He's either had to work, or I've had something to do, and our schedules just haven't jived. We were supposed to go skating today, finally.
Yesterday, I e-mailed him to see whether he was still up for it and what time he wanted to go. I received an e-mail from him later on in the day that said he was working today and jamming with the band tonight. Oh, and that he'd met someone.
He gave me the usual options - friends or acquaintances - and either was fine with him. I was going to be my newly-straight-shooting self and say, "I'd like to be friends, but we both know that's not going to happen. If you didn't like me enough to continue the 'getting-to-know' you process with me, but was able to do it with someone else, then there's a reason why you are now with her and not me." But I didn't say that. I said friends was fine. And I mean that. I just know I'll never hear from him again. Which, I think everyone can agree, is probably best.
Next!
Yesterday, I e-mailed him to see whether he was still up for it and what time he wanted to go. I received an e-mail from him later on in the day that said he was working today and jamming with the band tonight. Oh, and that he'd met someone.
He gave me the usual options - friends or acquaintances - and either was fine with him. I was going to be my newly-straight-shooting self and say, "I'd like to be friends, but we both know that's not going to happen. If you didn't like me enough to continue the 'getting-to-know' you process with me, but was able to do it with someone else, then there's a reason why you are now with her and not me." But I didn't say that. I said friends was fine. And I mean that. I just know I'll never hear from him again. Which, I think everyone can agree, is probably best.
Next!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Eddie Educator
Age: 30
Height: 6'2"
Occupation: High school math teacher
Eddie is another fish I caught. We've traded a few amusing e-mails back and forth and have spoken on the phone a couple of times, yesterday being one of them. He seems a bit nervous or hesitant on the phone and I wondered if it was really just nerves or if he wasn't interested in what I was saying. He would go from monotone to fairly animated depending on what was being said. Meeting him tonight, I'd chalk it up to nerves.
The first time he phoned me was last Saturday. We chatted for a bit and then he asked me if I wanted to meet him for dinner that night. I had tentative plans so I declined but I suggested we talk again another time. I ended up calling him on Wednesday and left a message on his voicemail. He phoned back about an hour later but I was already in bed. I was surprised he called back (again, the whole monotone thing) but was inwardly pleased that he did.
I phoned him back yesterday evening and we chatted for a bit. Then he asked me what my plans were for Friday and when I said nothing much, he said, "Do you want to hang out?" Breaking my last-minute rule, I said yes. He suggested, of all places, the Cambie. I hesitated only briefly and then said okay.
We agreed to meet at 8pm. My parking karma was in full-force tonight and I managed a spot right in front (this has no bearing on the date itself, but I love it when I get a good parking spot!). I walked in, and was overwhelmed by the new venue, all of the people, the loud music and just the daunting task of having to find him in a sea of people. He said to meet by the pool tables, so I wandered in that direction. After looking around and poking my head around corners and doorways, I stopped by the bar and pulled out my cell phone to call him. No need, he came to find me. He smiled. A good start.
We grabbed a drink and sat and talked for about an hour about everything. I don't know what his favorite song is, but I know he was an engineer for all of five months before he gave in and went back to school. I have no idea if he has more than just the one brother he talked about, but I know it's important for him to have faith, if not religion. It was an interesting conversation and he's an interesting guy. He had some weird facial expressions, and I'm not quite sure he's listening to me when I talk, but it's something I will be able to deal with should it progress beyond date 1.
He suggested we take a walk so we walked around the area and then back to the pub where both our cars were parked. He walked me to mine, gave me a hug and said I should call him. I told him he should call me. No pressure.
I think I might hear from him again. At least, I hope I do.
Height: 6'2"
Occupation: High school math teacher
Eddie is another fish I caught. We've traded a few amusing e-mails back and forth and have spoken on the phone a couple of times, yesterday being one of them. He seems a bit nervous or hesitant on the phone and I wondered if it was really just nerves or if he wasn't interested in what I was saying. He would go from monotone to fairly animated depending on what was being said. Meeting him tonight, I'd chalk it up to nerves.
The first time he phoned me was last Saturday. We chatted for a bit and then he asked me if I wanted to meet him for dinner that night. I had tentative plans so I declined but I suggested we talk again another time. I ended up calling him on Wednesday and left a message on his voicemail. He phoned back about an hour later but I was already in bed. I was surprised he called back (again, the whole monotone thing) but was inwardly pleased that he did.
I phoned him back yesterday evening and we chatted for a bit. Then he asked me what my plans were for Friday and when I said nothing much, he said, "Do you want to hang out?" Breaking my last-minute rule, I said yes. He suggested, of all places, the Cambie. I hesitated only briefly and then said okay.
We agreed to meet at 8pm. My parking karma was in full-force tonight and I managed a spot right in front (this has no bearing on the date itself, but I love it when I get a good parking spot!). I walked in, and was overwhelmed by the new venue, all of the people, the loud music and just the daunting task of having to find him in a sea of people. He said to meet by the pool tables, so I wandered in that direction. After looking around and poking my head around corners and doorways, I stopped by the bar and pulled out my cell phone to call him. No need, he came to find me. He smiled. A good start.
We grabbed a drink and sat and talked for about an hour about everything. I don't know what his favorite song is, but I know he was an engineer for all of five months before he gave in and went back to school. I have no idea if he has more than just the one brother he talked about, but I know it's important for him to have faith, if not religion. It was an interesting conversation and he's an interesting guy. He had some weird facial expressions, and I'm not quite sure he's listening to me when I talk, but it's something I will be able to deal with should it progress beyond date 1.
He suggested we take a walk so we walked around the area and then back to the pub where both our cars were parked. He walked me to mine, gave me a hug and said I should call him. I told him he should call me. No pressure.
I think I might hear from him again. At least, I hope I do.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Paul Photographer
Age: 32
Height: 6'4"
Occupaton: Engineering plan-drawer and photographer
Paul was one of the first fish I caught on the new website. He's works in city engineering as his day job, but fancies himself an artist on the side (much like me being a writer!). He sent me his own website, where he has posted his professional photography. He's taken some amazing pictures. If nothing else, I wanted to meet him for his creativity.
After a couple of brief e-mails, he asked if I wanted to meet for a coffee. I said sure. That was on Thursday and we met tonight after work. I was a bit nervous because I really didn't know what he looked like. He changes the picture on his profile fairly often and the first one was of him skateboarding (no facial shot) and the second one was of someone windsurfing. I managed to catch one where it was his profile and that's what I was looking for tonight.
When I got to the cafe, I immediately grabbed a table and went up to get my tea. I looked around and couldn't see anyone that looked like they were waiting for me. I took my tea to my table and then spotted a guy, texting on his cell. He had the same brownish hair and looked about 6' or so. He had notebooks in front of him, which was not in line with what I thought Paul did but I went up to him and said, "Hi, are you Paul?" He looked up briefly from his text and said, "What? No, sorry, not Paul." And went back to texting.
I sat and pulled out a book. There was this table of cute guys beside me, one guy in particular that was yummy-licious. He spoke with a sligh Irish accent and was very "metro". I thought he was gay, but he was just pretty.As I opened my book, I noticed a tall, brown-haired guy walk in. He turned to the side and I knew it was him. He got his drink and I could see he was looking around for me. As he walked by my table, I smiled and said hello.
He sat down, shook my hand and apologized for being late. He had a slight accent, Polish as it turned out to be, and he immediately reminded me of my best friend from high school who is also Polish and also tall with brown hair. I wondered if that would make a difference to me in terms of assessing his attractiveness.
Two questions in, he said, "So, how are you finding the site so far?" I was honest - I said I was fairly new but I thought there were some interesting people on it. I posed the question to him and he said, "Yeah, there's some nice people. Actually, I was out on a date on Saturday with someone I met on there." People's honest sometimes blows me away.
In my politeness, I asked how it went and where they went. He said it went really well and that they had gone to the Libra Room for drinks and that he thought he'd see her again. "Just so you know," he said. I smiled.
"Of course. That's why we're on the site, right? To meet people." The rest of the conversation was fine. After a personal pot of tea, I really had to pee (hey, that rhymed!) so towards the end, I was only thinking of whether I should use the washroom at the cafe or waddle on to the mall where I know they actual maintain the cleanliness.
He offered to walk me to the train, which I declined. I thought he should've just walked me but I figured he wanted to be polite. We shook hands goodbye and then, very awkwardly, we stood there for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say.
I opted for the, "Well, I guess we can e-mail again....?"
He went with, "So, I'll let you know how it goes with the other girl...."
At least it went a little better than the other dates, to date. He kind of smiled when he saw me and he almost backed into someone as he was saying goodbye and walking away. Progress is progress, no matter how small
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Fisherwoman
I broke down about a week ago and posted a profile on a popular, free online dating site. I hadn't even looked at the site in about six or seven years, but remembered that when I was on it last, there were about 30 men in the entire city that were registered (outlying suburban areas included). I thought it was strange when a friend told me recently about her experiences on the site and how she was meeting people. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that more than 30 people had joined in the past seven years.
It was a weird experience at first, viewing the different profiles and knowing that I could just e-mail them and they could e-mail me back without paying a cent. It was daunting, really. You mean, I actually have a chance to meet all of the guys I'm interested in???
In short, I can't keep up with the mail I am getting. I thought for sure that my matter-of-fact profile would scare a lot of people away but it's not turning out to be the case. Either they are intrigued by me, or they just haven't read what I wrote. (Oh, and since you're probably wondering, I said in my profile that a) any guy that contacts me should have a picture, but if it's a picture with a blurred out face of an ex-girlfriend, then don't bother. Verbatim, "If that's the only picture you have of yourself, then you're obviously not over her." B) Any guy that contacts me should do so in full and complete sentences. I ended with something like, "I realize I sound harsh, but I know that these two things are important to me. Why pretend like they're not just for the sake of meeting someone?").
I have a coffee date on Monday with a photographer/graphic designer. And I have another coffee date in a couple of weeks with an academic type who isn't actually my type, but I thought it would be an interesting conversation. I'm expecting a phone call this weekend from another guy, a teacher, who I've exchanged a number of amusing emails with. And I'll probably have another coffee date with a guy who is in the film industry doing special effects. And that's not all of the real potentials. And it's been week!
What the heck was I doing, paying for a chance at love???
It was a weird experience at first, viewing the different profiles and knowing that I could just e-mail them and they could e-mail me back without paying a cent. It was daunting, really. You mean, I actually have a chance to meet all of the guys I'm interested in???
In short, I can't keep up with the mail I am getting. I thought for sure that my matter-of-fact profile would scare a lot of people away but it's not turning out to be the case. Either they are intrigued by me, or they just haven't read what I wrote. (Oh, and since you're probably wondering, I said in my profile that a) any guy that contacts me should have a picture, but if it's a picture with a blurred out face of an ex-girlfriend, then don't bother. Verbatim, "If that's the only picture you have of yourself, then you're obviously not over her." B) Any guy that contacts me should do so in full and complete sentences. I ended with something like, "I realize I sound harsh, but I know that these two things are important to me. Why pretend like they're not just for the sake of meeting someone?").
I have a coffee date on Monday with a photographer/graphic designer. And I have another coffee date in a couple of weeks with an academic type who isn't actually my type, but I thought it would be an interesting conversation. I'm expecting a phone call this weekend from another guy, a teacher, who I've exchanged a number of amusing emails with. And I'll probably have another coffee date with a guy who is in the film industry doing special effects. And that's not all of the real potentials. And it's been week!
What the heck was I doing, paying for a chance at love???
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Sabotage
One of my matches (not even a "flexible" match, but one that's actually suited for me) is a bit of a goofball. Why do I know this? Because he gave out his name in his profile and encouraged people to visit his Facebook page to see his photography. So, I did. I think it was a bad idea to do so because now I have this pre-conceived notion of what he's like based on pictures he's posted, comments he's made on other peoples' walls and notes he's written. I wonder what people would think of me if they saw my page without knowing me. Anyway...
Rory's tall (6'5") so he's definitely got my attention. He's going to school and he taught in Asia for a year, so he's probably smart. His e-mails have been well-grammared and thought out. He's not a bad-looking guy. He seems very nice. So why am I trying to find things wrong with him before I've even met him?
I don't like his goatee. He seems to favour Asian women (like I don't favour Caucasian guys?). He told me I should read and listen to music in the great outdoors, without any of my "creature comforts" available (what, like camping?). He's rubbed me the wrong way already, but I don't know if he actually has, or if I just don't want to like him.
Before you get up in arms, I am going to meet him for a coffee. He wants to do something else after that, but I don't do more than a 90 minute coffee on the first meet so the driving range will have to wait for another time. If he makes it past my 90 minute screening process.
As the Beastie Boys so eloquently put it - Listen, all y'all, it's Sabotage.
Rory's tall (6'5") so he's definitely got my attention. He's going to school and he taught in Asia for a year, so he's probably smart. His e-mails have been well-grammared and thought out. He's not a bad-looking guy. He seems very nice. So why am I trying to find things wrong with him before I've even met him?
I don't like his goatee. He seems to favour Asian women (like I don't favour Caucasian guys?). He told me I should read and listen to music in the great outdoors, without any of my "creature comforts" available (what, like camping?). He's rubbed me the wrong way already, but I don't know if he actually has, or if I just don't want to like him.
Before you get up in arms, I am going to meet him for a coffee. He wants to do something else after that, but I don't do more than a 90 minute coffee on the first meet so the driving range will have to wait for another time. If he makes it past my 90 minute screening process.
As the Beastie Boys so eloquently put it - Listen, all y'all, it's Sabotage.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Ben from the Past
Age: 36
Height: 6'1" (although he seemed a lot taller)
Occupation: Projector operator / box office cashier / student
Admittedly, after discussing the whole Ben dilemma with some friends, I was really not interested in meeting with him. I wasn't sure if I could deal with both a clinical illness and a minimum wage job all in one person. I know, it's shallow.
We agreed to meet for a "not-coffee" (he doesn't drink it) at a little place near both of us. It is a small cafe I was introduced to by another friend a week or so ago and I wanted to go somewhere local. As an aside, when I walked in, the owner said to me, "Hey, you were here last week!" and gave me the thumbs up. I think this will be my new favorite local place.
Anyway, all morning, I was dreading having to get dressed and get ready to meet for 11. I wanted to laze around for awhile, read my book on the deck and just enjoy the beautiful Saturday morning weather. I took no real care in getting ready - I almost didn't bother washing my hair (but I did) and then I was going to just put it up in a messy chignon, which I did not do. I straightened it but only half-heartedly. I wasn't going to put any makeup on but I did. I wore my purple cowboy shirt (it's that cowboy plaid but with purple and olive green - I love it but it's not very feminine) with jeans and my green casual runners. I looked presentable, but I most certainly did not put the same effort I would have if I had been excited to meet with him. I felt kind of bad for not caring, but at the same time, what did it matter?
I walked there - might as well get the Vitamin D and fresh air right? When I got to the cafe, he was already in the lineup, checking out the chalkboard menu. He was taller than I remembered and fairly fit. I walked in and as he turned his head to look at me, I remembered why I had been so smitten with him during our singing class. He really is attractive. Not in the pretty-boy sense, but he's tall in that stately way and he has short, brown curls and blue-green eyes with long eyelashes that I can't achieve with curl-formula mascara and a eyelash wand. I can't remember if he smiled, but I do remember he stuck out his hand to shake mine and I had to apologize for the frozen one I extended to meet his.
He had picked a quiet spot on the other side of the cafe and once we placed our orders, we went to go sit. For the most part, the conversation was good. We have a few things in common, which I was happy to find out. Throughout the conversation, I kept looking at him thinking, "How can you be depressed?" He made allusions to his illness once or twice but it wasn't the underlying thought in the conversation. I was even ready to forgive the whole job thing. And then I asked him if he lived near his mom and sister.
He said, "Oh, I live WITH my mom." Oh.
You know, that's the last thing that I should be judgmental about because I lived with my parents for such a long time. And I know it's probably just because he's trying to get back on his feet, settled, etc. I know, I'm making excuses when I don't have to.We parted ways with discussions of getting together again, maybe for some ice skating or an opera. I have to admit that despite my initial resistance of this morning, plus the small bombshell of his roommate being his mom, I like him. I guess we'll see how it goes. Baby steps, right?
Age: 36
Height: 6'1" (although he seemed a lot taller)
Occupation: Projector operator / box office cashier / student
Admittedly, after discussing the whole Ben dilemma with some friends, I was really not interested in meeting with him. I wasn't sure if I could deal with both a clinical illness and a minimum wage job all in one person. I know, it's shallow.
We agreed to meet for a "not-coffee" (he doesn't drink it) at a little place near both of us. It is a small cafe I was introduced to by another friend a week or so ago and I wanted to go somewhere local. As an aside, when I walked in, the owner said to me, "Hey, you were here last week!" and gave me the thumbs up. I think this will be my new favorite local place.
Anyway, all morning, I was dreading having to get dressed and get ready to meet for 11. I wanted to laze around for awhile, read my book on the deck and just enjoy the beautiful Saturday morning weather. I took no real care in getting ready - I almost didn't bother washing my hair (but I did) and then I was going to just put it up in a messy chignon, which I did not do. I straightened it but only half-heartedly. I wasn't going to put any makeup on but I did. I wore my purple cowboy shirt (it's that cowboy plaid but with purple and olive green - I love it but it's not very feminine) with jeans and my green casual runners. I looked presentable, but I most certainly did not put the same effort I would have if I had been excited to meet with him. I felt kind of bad for not caring, but at the same time, what did it matter?
I walked there - might as well get the Vitamin D and fresh air right? When I got to the cafe, he was already in the lineup, checking out the chalkboard menu. He was taller than I remembered and fairly fit. I walked in and as he turned his head to look at me, I remembered why I had been so smitten with him during our singing class. He really is attractive. Not in the pretty-boy sense, but he's tall in that stately way and he has short, brown curls and blue-green eyes with long eyelashes that I can't achieve with curl-formula mascara and a eyelash wand. I can't remember if he smiled, but I do remember he stuck out his hand to shake mine and I had to apologize for the frozen one I extended to meet his.
He had picked a quiet spot on the other side of the cafe and once we placed our orders, we went to go sit. For the most part, the conversation was good. We have a few things in common, which I was happy to find out. Throughout the conversation, I kept looking at him thinking, "How can you be depressed?" He made allusions to his illness once or twice but it wasn't the underlying thought in the conversation. I was even ready to forgive the whole job thing. And then I asked him if he lived near his mom and sister.
He said, "Oh, I live WITH my mom." Oh.
You know, that's the last thing that I should be judgmental about because I lived with my parents for such a long time. And I know it's probably just because he's trying to get back on his feet, settled, etc. I know, I'm making excuses when I don't have to.We parted ways with discussions of getting together again, maybe for some ice skating or an opera. I have to admit that despite my initial resistance of this morning, plus the small bombshell of his roommate being his mom, I like him. I guess we'll see how it goes. Baby steps, right?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Blast from the Past
About a year ago, I decided to take a singing class at the local performing arts centre. I love to sing and thought that taking singing lessons would be a good way to release some pent-up singing energy, as well as help me improve my speaking voice (I don't know how, but it made sense to me at the time). It was most certainly not the place where I expected to meet a guy. Especially a cute one. But I did. Sort of.
Ben was already sitting in the classroom on the first night when I walked in. He looked up at me and I looked at him and took a seat. He was very cute. Or perhaps he was just very cute because he was one of the only young males in the room (there were two others, but both were...well, not as cute).
Over the eight weeks we took the class, I did my best to be funny whenever the occasion called for it (read: blatantly calling attention to myself in the hopes that he would take notice) and sit by him whenever the seating arrangement allowed. My plan was to ask him out for a coffee at the end of the eight sessions but I never did.
I had daydreams about him tracking me down through the registration centre but none ever came true.Flash forward about a year. Two weeks ago, I was checking my e-mail and received a weekly update from one of my dating sites. It contained "This Weeks' 9 Featured Guys". I never look at that particular update anymore because it always has the same guys (they give you ones that are in your area). That day, I decided I would and who was smiling at me in Square 8 but Ben.
I immediately logged on and sent him a smile. That afternoon, he had sent me a message. I opened it excitedly, wondering what funny thing he would say about "coincidences" or "fancy meeting you here". His e-mail read like someone who did not recognize me. In fact, he did not. I had to send a somewhat embarrassing e-mail that said, "Uh, we took a singing class together last year." His response was positive, including an apology for not recognizing me initially. We've traded several e-mails since and will be meeting for a coffee sometime in the near future (he's got the flu right now).
So you're probably wondering why it seems like there's a big "but" hanging in the air? There are two: one small and one kind of bigger. In one of his first emails, he mentioned that he was on his way to work, at a theatre. In my mind, that either means the movie theatre or some sort of concert hall. Is it bad that I was hoping it was not the former? Well, it is. He works as projection guy at the movie theatre downtown. That was small-strike one.
I had asked in my second to last e-mail how long he had been in the city and what brought him here. He responded with the confession that he had been here for about four years and he moved here because he had gone through a bad breakup and wanted to be closer to his mom and sister. Nothing wrong with that, right? Except, he says he's suffered from clinical depression for most of his life and that he moved here so his sister (who is a psychologist) could get him the proper help, including getting on the proper cocktail of meds.
I know. You're thinking I'm an awful person for re-considering pursuing a relationship with him because of his job and his illness. I feel like an awful person. I'm going to meet him for coffee but I'm not sure whether I even want to anymore. And it's even worse because I pursued him, in a way.
I know that people need to work and whatever job they happen to end up with is sometimes more a matter of circumstance than ability. And he seems to be a smart guy. But the minute I hear, "I work at a movie theatre," I think of the job I had when I was 20 - and I thought I was too old to be working there. Maybe it's because of his illness that he can't work anywhere that requires a full-time commitment. But how does he pay his rent? How does he live?
Oh, and he has a cat. I'll let you know how it goes :)
About a year ago, I decided to take a singing class at the local performing arts centre. I love to sing and thought that taking singing lessons would be a good way to release some pent-up singing energy, as well as help me improve my speaking voice (I don't know how, but it made sense to me at the time). It was most certainly not the place where I expected to meet a guy. Especially a cute one. But I did. Sort of.
Ben was already sitting in the classroom on the first night when I walked in. He looked up at me and I looked at him and took a seat. He was very cute. Or perhaps he was just very cute because he was one of the only young males in the room (there were two others, but both were...well, not as cute).
Over the eight weeks we took the class, I did my best to be funny whenever the occasion called for it (read: blatantly calling attention to myself in the hopes that he would take notice) and sit by him whenever the seating arrangement allowed. My plan was to ask him out for a coffee at the end of the eight sessions but I never did.
I had daydreams about him tracking me down through the registration centre but none ever came true.Flash forward about a year. Two weeks ago, I was checking my e-mail and received a weekly update from one of my dating sites. It contained "This Weeks' 9 Featured Guys". I never look at that particular update anymore because it always has the same guys (they give you ones that are in your area). That day, I decided I would and who was smiling at me in Square 8 but Ben.
I immediately logged on and sent him a smile. That afternoon, he had sent me a message. I opened it excitedly, wondering what funny thing he would say about "coincidences" or "fancy meeting you here". His e-mail read like someone who did not recognize me. In fact, he did not. I had to send a somewhat embarrassing e-mail that said, "Uh, we took a singing class together last year." His response was positive, including an apology for not recognizing me initially. We've traded several e-mails since and will be meeting for a coffee sometime in the near future (he's got the flu right now).
So you're probably wondering why it seems like there's a big "but" hanging in the air? There are two: one small and one kind of bigger. In one of his first emails, he mentioned that he was on his way to work, at a theatre. In my mind, that either means the movie theatre or some sort of concert hall. Is it bad that I was hoping it was not the former? Well, it is. He works as projection guy at the movie theatre downtown. That was small-strike one.
I had asked in my second to last e-mail how long he had been in the city and what brought him here. He responded with the confession that he had been here for about four years and he moved here because he had gone through a bad breakup and wanted to be closer to his mom and sister. Nothing wrong with that, right? Except, he says he's suffered from clinical depression for most of his life and that he moved here so his sister (who is a psychologist) could get him the proper help, including getting on the proper cocktail of meds.
I know. You're thinking I'm an awful person for re-considering pursuing a relationship with him because of his job and his illness. I feel like an awful person. I'm going to meet him for coffee but I'm not sure whether I even want to anymore. And it's even worse because I pursued him, in a way.
I know that people need to work and whatever job they happen to end up with is sometimes more a matter of circumstance than ability. And he seems to be a smart guy. But the minute I hear, "I work at a movie theatre," I think of the job I had when I was 20 - and I thought I was too old to be working there. Maybe it's because of his illness that he can't work anywhere that requires a full-time commitment. But how does he pay his rent? How does he live?
Oh, and he has a cat. I'll let you know how it goes :)
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sam Salesman
Age: 35
Height: 5'10"
Occupation: Dental Equipment Sales
I don't like to talk to my internet dates on the phone before we meet. I'm not sure why that is. Perhaps I'm afraid that we'll be on the phone with nothing to say to each other. I'm not a big fan of uncomfortable silences. I usually don't give an internet guy my phone number until the day we are scheduled to meet (in case something comes up and he has to cancel last minute or let me know he'll be late). I wasn't planning on giving Sam my number, but his e-mails were so chatty that I was sure there wouldn't be any uncomfortable silences. And there weren't.
We chatted like were old friends. Granted, we didn't have long phone conversations, just two or three to set up a meet for the weekend. Like his e-mails, our conversations were full of questions on his part. We joked around and exchanged friendly banter. I had a really good feeling about the coffee meet. In fact, the night before we met, he sent me a text, telling me to enjoy my sushi night with my friends. It was really thoughtful.
Sunday afternoon, he phoned me to confirm our plans. He teased me about my activities of that afternoon (trying to set up my DVR player and threatening to come find me if I knocked out cable in the Lower Mainland during that afternoon's football game) and we set up a meet at an eatery out his way. He had offered to come out to me, but nothing in my area is open late (i.e. past 7) on Sundays.
I was excited enough about the meeting that I even changed into something a little more feminine. I was planning on wearing my cozy "dress hoody" (made of a fuzzy cream fabric, not sweatshirt cotton, may I add!) and jeans with my favorite unisex-looking brown boots, but I opted for a dark teal turtleneck with flouncy sleeves and my new burgundy ballerina flats. Cute, right?
I arrived at the eatery first. I stood in line and waited as two women in front of me chatted with their friend who came late and was standing behind me. (Yes, I could've let their friend in front of me but the other two were taking so long, I opted not to.)
As I waited patiently for my turn, the door opened to my left and I looked behind me. It was him. He was scanning the room and when he got to me, I smiled and waved and said hello. He didn't smile. I mean, he probably did, but it certainly wasn't a smile that said, "Nice! Just like your picture."
He held out his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Sam." I shook it (good handshake) and introduced myself formally as well. He motioned that he was going to get a seat and I asked him if he would like anything to drink, so he joined me in the line instead. I caught him giving my coat a scan. What was that about?
Conversation lightened at that point. He asked me how the cable-laying went and joked that things must have gone well since he was able to finish the football game without interruption. I let him pay for my tea and we took a seat in two cushy chairs by the window. In hindsight, perhaps a small, intimate table would have been more conducive to a "getting-to-know-you" coffee, but when you have the opportunity to take the cushy chairs, you take them.
We chatted for a good two hours about everything - his family, my family, his job, my job, views on legalization of marijuana and prostitution, lost packages on eBay, broadway musicals. You name it, we talked about it. Conversation flowed really well and I was "on". I don't think I've allowed myself to be comfortable enough to be "on" for awhile. It seemed like we had a lot of similar interests and on paper, it was going really well, but I got a weird sense that the night wouldn't end in a hug and a sincere, "Let's do this again soon."
We walked out to the parking lot together. I said I was going to duck into Chapters for a bit and so he shook my hand again, told me to look for a book on cable installation while I was in there, and bid me adieu.
Tepid. Very tepid.
Age: 35
Height: 5'10"
Occupation: Dental Equipment Sales
I don't like to talk to my internet dates on the phone before we meet. I'm not sure why that is. Perhaps I'm afraid that we'll be on the phone with nothing to say to each other. I'm not a big fan of uncomfortable silences. I usually don't give an internet guy my phone number until the day we are scheduled to meet (in case something comes up and he has to cancel last minute or let me know he'll be late). I wasn't planning on giving Sam my number, but his e-mails were so chatty that I was sure there wouldn't be any uncomfortable silences. And there weren't.
We chatted like were old friends. Granted, we didn't have long phone conversations, just two or three to set up a meet for the weekend. Like his e-mails, our conversations were full of questions on his part. We joked around and exchanged friendly banter. I had a really good feeling about the coffee meet. In fact, the night before we met, he sent me a text, telling me to enjoy my sushi night with my friends. It was really thoughtful.
Sunday afternoon, he phoned me to confirm our plans. He teased me about my activities of that afternoon (trying to set up my DVR player and threatening to come find me if I knocked out cable in the Lower Mainland during that afternoon's football game) and we set up a meet at an eatery out his way. He had offered to come out to me, but nothing in my area is open late (i.e. past 7) on Sundays.
I was excited enough about the meeting that I even changed into something a little more feminine. I was planning on wearing my cozy "dress hoody" (made of a fuzzy cream fabric, not sweatshirt cotton, may I add!) and jeans with my favorite unisex-looking brown boots, but I opted for a dark teal turtleneck with flouncy sleeves and my new burgundy ballerina flats. Cute, right?
I arrived at the eatery first. I stood in line and waited as two women in front of me chatted with their friend who came late and was standing behind me. (Yes, I could've let their friend in front of me but the other two were taking so long, I opted not to.)
As I waited patiently for my turn, the door opened to my left and I looked behind me. It was him. He was scanning the room and when he got to me, I smiled and waved and said hello. He didn't smile. I mean, he probably did, but it certainly wasn't a smile that said, "Nice! Just like your picture."
He held out his hand and said, "Hi, I'm Sam." I shook it (good handshake) and introduced myself formally as well. He motioned that he was going to get a seat and I asked him if he would like anything to drink, so he joined me in the line instead. I caught him giving my coat a scan. What was that about?
Conversation lightened at that point. He asked me how the cable-laying went and joked that things must have gone well since he was able to finish the football game without interruption. I let him pay for my tea and we took a seat in two cushy chairs by the window. In hindsight, perhaps a small, intimate table would have been more conducive to a "getting-to-know-you" coffee, but when you have the opportunity to take the cushy chairs, you take them.
We chatted for a good two hours about everything - his family, my family, his job, my job, views on legalization of marijuana and prostitution, lost packages on eBay, broadway musicals. You name it, we talked about it. Conversation flowed really well and I was "on". I don't think I've allowed myself to be comfortable enough to be "on" for awhile. It seemed like we had a lot of similar interests and on paper, it was going really well, but I got a weird sense that the night wouldn't end in a hug and a sincere, "Let's do this again soon."
We walked out to the parking lot together. I said I was going to duck into Chapters for a bit and so he shook my hand again, told me to look for a book on cable installation while I was in there, and bid me adieu.
Tepid. Very tepid.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Pierre Programmer
Age: 34
Height: 6'1"
Occupation: Software designer
I met Pierre during the "free communication" weekend and we've exchanged several e-mails since.
As you can tell, he is French and he grew up in the south of France en Provence. There was something about the way he wrote that kept me writing back. It wasn't that he was particularly humorous or witty, but he had a realness to him that I don't often come across in this world of online dating. He wasn't always asking me the "typical" getting to know you questions. He and I had e-mail conversations. It was nice.
When I finally had access to the pictures, I wasn't surprised - he looks very French, whatever that image conjures up for you. Shaved head (I think he might be balding or perhaps thinning). A small soul patch under his bottom lip. Tall and lanky. Angular but also delicate features. Very kind eyes. I wanted to meet him.
After exchanging e-mails for the past couple of weeks, we had our first meeting yesterday. We were going to meet at a coffee shop near my work and close to where he lived.
As I approached the shop, I saw him sitting along the front windows. I was 75% sure it was him. I opened the shop door and stood there and scanned the room (a little tip I picked up from a book on schmoozing). I figured it would give him time to see me and by the time I scanned over to his side of the room, he'd be looking at me, I'd smile and walk over.
I scanned the room and caught another guy checking me out. When my eyes reached where Pierre was sitting, he wasn't looking at me. I inwardly panicked. Maybe it wasn't him after all. I started to walk towards him as he was sitting right by the front counter. I stood practically beside him, but he didn't say anything. So I did what made the most sense at that point - I went to order my coffee. Stupid, right?
As I was standing on the other side of the room, waiting to pick up my mocha from the barista, it occurred to me that being coy, or whatever it was I was trying to be, was stupid because now, I would have to walk up to him and say hello, with him knowing that it was me that just blew by him in the first place. Dumbass.
I took my drink and walked over to him. "Pierre?"
"Ah, hello!"
"Hi! I wasn't sure it was you so ...."
"Ah, yes. You have your drink? I'll go get mine." I sat down, took of my coat, and vowed to act like a normal person from that point on.
It was a nice visit. He was very soft-spoken, almost shy, but conversed easily. He had a lovely French accent that was noticeable, but not overbearing. We chatted for about an hour. It was really nice. However, he wasn't feeling well as he was battling the cold that everyone seems to have carried over from Christmas. As we parted ways, he said, "I would hug you but I don't want to get you sick." After exchanging our bonne soirees, I walked away, quite pleased with the way things went.
And then I woke up today and decided to dissect what happened last night. My biggest thing? I'm quite certain he saw me walk in and stand there at the coffee shop door looking for someone, but he didn't motion over to me or say anything when I walked by him. I am thinking, perhaps, he did not like what he saw (I think there is such a thing as being too photogenic). Yes, he could've been unsure that it was me, but there was no one else in the cafe that was alone or looking for someone and really, how many people look like me in a crowd of 30?
He was polite and friendly, but in the end, I don't remember him saying we should do it again. I sent the follow up e-mail, which was against what my head was telling me. I just wrote him a short note this morning, again expressing to him that I had enjoyed meeting him and that should he want to get together again, that I would like to see him. I'm not sure I'll hear from him again, which I can accept. It will, however, be one of the bigger online dating disappointments I've had in awhile if he decides not to answer.
C'est la vie.
Age: 34
Height: 6'1"
Occupation: Software designer
I met Pierre during the "free communication" weekend and we've exchanged several e-mails since.
As you can tell, he is French and he grew up in the south of France en Provence. There was something about the way he wrote that kept me writing back. It wasn't that he was particularly humorous or witty, but he had a realness to him that I don't often come across in this world of online dating. He wasn't always asking me the "typical" getting to know you questions. He and I had e-mail conversations. It was nice.
When I finally had access to the pictures, I wasn't surprised - he looks very French, whatever that image conjures up for you. Shaved head (I think he might be balding or perhaps thinning). A small soul patch under his bottom lip. Tall and lanky. Angular but also delicate features. Very kind eyes. I wanted to meet him.
After exchanging e-mails for the past couple of weeks, we had our first meeting yesterday. We were going to meet at a coffee shop near my work and close to where he lived.
As I approached the shop, I saw him sitting along the front windows. I was 75% sure it was him. I opened the shop door and stood there and scanned the room (a little tip I picked up from a book on schmoozing). I figured it would give him time to see me and by the time I scanned over to his side of the room, he'd be looking at me, I'd smile and walk over.
I scanned the room and caught another guy checking me out. When my eyes reached where Pierre was sitting, he wasn't looking at me. I inwardly panicked. Maybe it wasn't him after all. I started to walk towards him as he was sitting right by the front counter. I stood practically beside him, but he didn't say anything. So I did what made the most sense at that point - I went to order my coffee. Stupid, right?
As I was standing on the other side of the room, waiting to pick up my mocha from the barista, it occurred to me that being coy, or whatever it was I was trying to be, was stupid because now, I would have to walk up to him and say hello, with him knowing that it was me that just blew by him in the first place. Dumbass.
I took my drink and walked over to him. "Pierre?"
"Ah, hello!"
"Hi! I wasn't sure it was you so ...."
"Ah, yes. You have your drink? I'll go get mine." I sat down, took of my coat, and vowed to act like a normal person from that point on.
It was a nice visit. He was very soft-spoken, almost shy, but conversed easily. He had a lovely French accent that was noticeable, but not overbearing. We chatted for about an hour. It was really nice. However, he wasn't feeling well as he was battling the cold that everyone seems to have carried over from Christmas. As we parted ways, he said, "I would hug you but I don't want to get you sick." After exchanging our bonne soirees, I walked away, quite pleased with the way things went.
And then I woke up today and decided to dissect what happened last night. My biggest thing? I'm quite certain he saw me walk in and stand there at the coffee shop door looking for someone, but he didn't motion over to me or say anything when I walked by him. I am thinking, perhaps, he did not like what he saw (I think there is such a thing as being too photogenic). Yes, he could've been unsure that it was me, but there was no one else in the cafe that was alone or looking for someone and really, how many people look like me in a crowd of 30?
He was polite and friendly, but in the end, I don't remember him saying we should do it again. I sent the follow up e-mail, which was against what my head was telling me. I just wrote him a short note this morning, again expressing to him that I had enjoyed meeting him and that should he want to get together again, that I would like to see him. I'm not sure I'll hear from him again, which I can accept. It will, however, be one of the bigger online dating disappointments I've had in awhile if he decides not to answer.
C'est la vie.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Brent Broker
Age: 37
Height: 6'2"
Occupation: commercial insurance broker
I've been skulking on and off one particular dating site for upwards of five years, and I've met A LOT of guys from it. Only one guy I still keep in touch with and consider a friend, but I digress.
I have this thing about paying for dating websites. I know it's not fair to the guy because he's spending the money to contact me, but shouldn't he pay the $2.00 to send me a message? To get to know me? Never mind that I'm just too cheap to pay the $2.00 myself.
Brent is one guy that paid the toonie. His profile was great. He seemed nice and family oriented, smart and warm. His emails were really well written and didn't give me the heebie-jeebies. When he phoned and left a message to confirm our coffee date yesterday, his voice was manly and resonant. Things were looking good.
We had agreed to meet at a coffee shop near where I work. He ended up getting confused as to where it was (in fact, he went to the wrong chain shop entirely), but through the magic of cell phones, we managed to meet up on a nearby street corner. He was wearing a navy blue suit and he looked sharp. We walked back to the coffee shop that was in the mall and grabbed a coffee.I didn't let him buy me a coffee - was that wrong? He didn't insist - was that right?
We sat down at a table at the adjacent food fair and sat across from each other. And then, it started to feel awkward. He was grasping for questions to ask, instead of just letting them come naturally from conversation. It's not that the questions were wrong - they were the typical getting to know you questions. But it felt more like an interview than a chat.
Within 10 minutes, he made the big boo-boo that I'm not sure I can really "get over" -not that it was particularly traumatizing, but it was dating faux-pas. Let me set it up: he asked me if I had lived here all my life and I mentioned that I was born in the Philippines but had moved here shortly after I was born. He then launched into a story about his ex-girlfriend (strike 1) who is Filipino (strike 2) who he broke up with because she was self-centered (strike 3). He continued to speak about her in less than neutral terms (she was crazy; she was part of a religion that he classified "a cult").
I admit it - I asked questions and egged him on, just to see if he would continue talking about her. He did. And then I think he realized he was breaking a fundamental dating rule by talking about his ex, and badly! He pulled back a little and said, "Well, it just didn't work out." Perhaps he could redeem himself...He tended to talk on and on, without asking too many questions of me, until he sort of stopped in mid-speech, looked me in the eye and said, "Are you dating? You know, are you dating anyone? I guess you are, cause you're out with me. Me, I was dating this girl back in August and we got pretty serious but then we broke up three months later so I've been single ever since. You know, just take a break. But I'm not really the type to date more than one person at a time, but that's just my preference. So are you dating?" Did I mention that after awhile, his manly voice began to resonate with cheesy car salesman undertones? Cheque please!
The date ended about 45 minutes later when he announced that his real estate agent was showing his place and he had to be available at 6:30 in case someone made an offer. he then went on a bit about how he was buying a bachelor suite in Yaletown and that he had enough money to buy another place, you know, as a rental. That kind of sealed the deal for me. I hate it when guys try to impress you with stuff they have and not who they are.He asked me if he could call me, and I said he could. As I walked away, I classified him as "take or leave". If he calls, great. If not, perhaps even better.
Tuesday, January 5, 2009
Tom Techie
Age: 36
Height: 5"10
Occupation: software design and user support
As you know, over the Christmas break, I was watching TV and an ad for an online dating site came on, advertising a "free communication" weekend starting New Years Day. I immediately signed up (I love a good deal) and started collecting matches. The one catch? Because I wasn't a member, I was not allowed to see their posted pictures. Drats.
One of the matches I began communicating with was Tom. He seemed nice enough, nothing particularly stellar about our communication, but I have vowed to keep an open mind about meeting people this year, so when it got to the point where I could send open e-mails (and not just trade answers to questions), I suggested we meet for coffee. We set up a meeting on Monday, January 5th. It was then I had to tell him that he would have to look for me, because I had no idea what he looked like. He responded, "Oh, I didn't realize you couldn't see my pictures. I'll send you couple. Hopefully you'll still want to meet me once you see them." Red flag.
I arrived at our meeting spot and took a look around. I couldn't see anyone in the immediate area that looked like him, so I decided to order my coffee and find a table to sit at. As I stood at the pickup counter, waiting for my coffee, I spotted him sitting just beyond the coffee area on a bench. As he couldn't tell that I had spotted him, I observed him while I waited.He was definitely a big guy and sat with a slouch. He was wearing a hoodie with a t-shirt and pants. He looked dejected.
I grabbed my coffee and walked towards a table where I could flag him down. I gave him a smile and he got up from the bench and walked over. He said hello and I motioned to him that I had already gotten a drink so he went to get his. When we sat down to talk, it was mostly me asking him questions and him answering. He seemed a bit nervous, or perhaps that was just my perception. When he did ask me a question, it was mostly a variation of the first question he asked, mainly, "Do you like your job?" He didn't make much eye contact, and when he wasn't talking, he looked kind of sad.
We managed to chat for an hour and then I had to get going. I normally ensure I have something else I have to do or get to about an hour or two after I meet up with any coffee date. It allows me to leave a date without feeling guilty for lying about leaving. Anyway, he asked me if I would like to meet up again. I didn't say anything definite, only that he should e-mail me if he wanted to do something. We parted ways.
Later on that evening, he sent me an e-mail, saying it was good to meet me and to let him know when I would like to go out again. I responded that I would. I just don't think that I will.He was actually a lot like me. Very laid back and spent a lot of time at home. He does a movie night with his friends every Friday, which is nice. But I need someone who isn't exactly like me - who is going to get me off my couch and out into the world. I don't think Tom can or will do that for me. He was a nice guy, just not particularly suitable for me. Back to the drawing board.
Age: 36
Height: 5"10
Occupation: software design and user support
As you know, over the Christmas break, I was watching TV and an ad for an online dating site came on, advertising a "free communication" weekend starting New Years Day. I immediately signed up (I love a good deal) and started collecting matches. The one catch? Because I wasn't a member, I was not allowed to see their posted pictures. Drats.
One of the matches I began communicating with was Tom. He seemed nice enough, nothing particularly stellar about our communication, but I have vowed to keep an open mind about meeting people this year, so when it got to the point where I could send open e-mails (and not just trade answers to questions), I suggested we meet for coffee. We set up a meeting on Monday, January 5th. It was then I had to tell him that he would have to look for me, because I had no idea what he looked like. He responded, "Oh, I didn't realize you couldn't see my pictures. I'll send you couple. Hopefully you'll still want to meet me once you see them." Red flag.
I arrived at our meeting spot and took a look around. I couldn't see anyone in the immediate area that looked like him, so I decided to order my coffee and find a table to sit at. As I stood at the pickup counter, waiting for my coffee, I spotted him sitting just beyond the coffee area on a bench. As he couldn't tell that I had spotted him, I observed him while I waited.He was definitely a big guy and sat with a slouch. He was wearing a hoodie with a t-shirt and pants. He looked dejected.
I grabbed my coffee and walked towards a table where I could flag him down. I gave him a smile and he got up from the bench and walked over. He said hello and I motioned to him that I had already gotten a drink so he went to get his. When we sat down to talk, it was mostly me asking him questions and him answering. He seemed a bit nervous, or perhaps that was just my perception. When he did ask me a question, it was mostly a variation of the first question he asked, mainly, "Do you like your job?" He didn't make much eye contact, and when he wasn't talking, he looked kind of sad.
We managed to chat for an hour and then I had to get going. I normally ensure I have something else I have to do or get to about an hour or two after I meet up with any coffee date. It allows me to leave a date without feeling guilty for lying about leaving. Anyway, he asked me if I would like to meet up again. I didn't say anything definite, only that he should e-mail me if he wanted to do something. We parted ways.
Later on that evening, he sent me an e-mail, saying it was good to meet me and to let him know when I would like to go out again. I responded that I would. I just don't think that I will.He was actually a lot like me. Very laid back and spent a lot of time at home. He does a movie night with his friends every Friday, which is nice. But I need someone who isn't exactly like me - who is going to get me off my couch and out into the world. I don't think Tom can or will do that for me. He was a nice guy, just not particularly suitable for me. Back to the drawing board.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
