Monday, February 9, 2009

Blast from the Past

About a year ago, I decided to take a singing class at the local performing arts centre. I love to sing and thought that taking singing lessons would be a good way to release some pent-up singing energy, as well as help me improve my speaking voice (I don't know how, but it made sense to me at the time). It was most certainly not the place where I expected to meet a guy. Especially a cute one. But I did. Sort of.

Ben was already sitting in the classroom on the first night when I walked in. He looked up at me and I looked at him and took a seat. He was very cute. Or perhaps he was just very cute because he was one of the only young males in the room (there were two others, but both were...well, not as cute).

Over the eight weeks we took the class, I did my best to be funny whenever the occasion called for it (read: blatantly calling attention to myself in the hopes that he would take notice) and sit by him whenever the seating arrangement allowed. My plan was to ask him out for a coffee at the end of the eight sessions but I never did.

I had daydreams about him tracking me down through the registration centre but none ever came true.Flash forward about a year. Two weeks ago, I was checking my e-mail and received a weekly update from one of my dating sites. It contained "This Weeks' 9 Featured Guys". I never look at that particular update anymore because it always has the same guys (they give you ones that are in your area). That day, I decided I would and who was smiling at me in Square 8 but Ben.

I immediately logged on and sent him a smile. That afternoon, he had sent me a message. I opened it excitedly, wondering what funny thing he would say about "coincidences" or "fancy meeting you here". His e-mail read like someone who did not recognize me. In fact, he did not. I had to send a somewhat embarrassing e-mail that said, "Uh, we took a singing class together last year." His response was positive, including an apology for not recognizing me initially. We've traded several e-mails since and will be meeting for a coffee sometime in the near future (he's got the flu right now).

So you're probably wondering why it seems like there's a big "but" hanging in the air? There are two: one small and one kind of bigger. In one of his first emails, he mentioned that he was on his way to work, at a theatre. In my mind, that either means the movie theatre or some sort of concert hall. Is it bad that I was hoping it was not the former? Well, it is. He works as projection guy at the movie theatre downtown. That was small-strike one.

I had asked in my second to last e-mail how long he had been in the city and what brought him here. He responded with the confession that he had been here for about four years and he moved here because he had gone through a bad breakup and wanted to be closer to his mom and sister. Nothing wrong with that, right? Except, he says he's suffered from clinical depression for most of his life and that he moved here so his sister (who is a psychologist) could get him the proper help, including getting on the proper cocktail of meds.

I know. You're thinking I'm an awful person for re-considering pursuing a relationship with him because of his job and his illness. I feel like an awful person. I'm going to meet him for coffee but I'm not sure whether I even want to anymore. And it's even worse because I pursued him, in a way.

I know that people need to work and whatever job they happen to end up with is sometimes more a matter of circumstance than ability. And he seems to be a smart guy. But the minute I hear, "I work at a movie theatre," I think of the job I had when I was 20 - and I thought I was too old to be working there. Maybe it's because of his illness that he can't work anywhere that requires a full-time commitment. But how does he pay his rent? How does he live?

Oh, and he has a cat. I'll let you know how it goes :)